Good day fellow citizens of Earth. I am Dr. Chaos, the appointed Drug Czar of Political Liability. What is a Drug Czar you might ask? Good question. Let’s break it down. Dictionary.com claims a drug is "a chemical substance used in the treatment, cure, prevention, or diagnosis of disease or used to otherwise enhance physical or mental well-being." The site also claims a Czar is "any person exercising great authority or power in a particular field." Therefore I am a person with great authority and power in the field of chemical substances used to enhance well-being. How did I gain this authority and power you might ask? Again, an excellent question (you’re doing quite well today) Extensive and continual personal research. And it is my pledge you to, citizens of Earth, to continue this research as long as I hold this very important office. In fact, as I sit and write this inaugural article on this fine Friday morning, I am under the influence of no less than four drugs. (Five if you count the residual traces from last night.) Don’t worry, I am a Doctor. I do warn you, the reader, not to try any of my research on your own as only someone with my particular biological advantages can even attempt such cutting edge experimentation. So remember, don’t try this at home kids.