Friday Fun for March 27, 2009

I could do alot of stupid things right now, go on about any number of topics. Instead, I want to direct your attention to something President Obama said during his "Primetime News Conference". He said that the first step in the recovery plan has helped save the jobs of "teachers and police officers".

Teachers and police officers jobs...where have I heard all that before...oh, yeah, right here on Political Liability. An excerpt from blog entitled "My Political Platform Pt 1":

"5) More funds for teachers and police. Lets face it, crime is going to get worse as the economy does. We need to educate more children so they too will realize what exactly a bachelors degree in philosophy or archaeology will get them. "

Nice to know someone is listening...but the fun today is what President Obama was REALLY saying during his press conference. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/obama_text

President Obama: "My fellow Americans, I did not put us in this crisis, this crisis has been due to the previous eight years administration. Now, I'm not going to name names but it wasn't the first Bush. I have a four part plan for correcting this so it NEVER happens again.

Part one, listening to Political Liability and the blogger to be named later's post about HIS presidential platform, specifically jobs for teachers and cops.

Part two, stabilizing the housing market. I got a new house, so every American should be allowed to have a home. Hell, I'll give everyone 40 acres and a mule.

Part three, allow a flow of credit BACK to families so they can go back to spending money they already don't have. The EU may think this is a "way to Hell" but you have to spend money to make money, right Donald Trump.

Part four, that's the fun part. That's where we spend money based on this new budget so this never happens again. You see the millions I want to spend are only a fraction of the cost of our debt. It's for our children's generation, you want to keep them safe don't you?

And let me reiterate, that I am JUST as angry at AIG as the rest of you good people who didn't receive political contributions from them. It just angers me to no end thinking about all the money they could have contributed had it not been for a freeze in September.

But remember America, E Pluribus Unum. Questions? AP

AP: Your treasury secretary and the Fed chairman were on Capitol Hill today asking for this new authority that you want to regulate big, complex financial institutions. Why do you think the public should sign on for another new sweeping authority for the government to take over companies, essentially?

Prez: Because this was an oversight in what the government can mess with. Remember, we're for bigger government to overlook all things. The FDIC can mess with the banks but not groups like AIG. We want the authority to mess with them also.

AP: Why should the public trust the government to handle that authority well?

Prez: Because if we don't control them, then they'll be stuck in the private sector, and that's no good for anyone. NBC?

NBC: Why, given this new era of responsibility that you're asking for, why haven't you asked for something specific that the public should be sacrificing to participate in this economic recovery?

Prez: Um, they HAVE. Why do you think I'm taxing the upper 5% and getting 90% of the AIG bonuses back thanks to my friends in congress. Besides, you have to spend money to make money, that's why my budget focuses on building blocks. It's the "New New Deal". J?

J: The Democrats are writing a budget that does not include your middle class tax cuts, instead they want to phase them out. Would you sign a bill to that affect?

Prez: I've already told them what I wanted on it. I think we need to focus on the previously mentioned foundations. I knew they weren't going to Xerox it, that would cause a panic on the right. However, I feel very confident they will get done what I tell them to. And I will sign it.

J: Even without those provisions?

Prez: No...I mean, we'll have to talk it out. They know what I want, and they will get done what I tell them to. And I will sign it. CBS?

CBS: Your budget has the deficit increasing $7 Trillion over the next 10 years. The Congressional Budget Office has it at $9.3 Trillion. Republicans are calling your budget the most irresponsible in history.

Prez: Yeah, so?

CBS: Well, you said you didn't want to pass our problems to the next generation, but isn't that exactly what you are doing?

Prez: Listen, first off, it was those [people] who left us with a $1.3 Trillion debt. When our guy was in there was a surplus, their guy comes in and its all down hill. I know I said I wasn't going to mention names or that it wasn't any ONE person who did this, but it was ONE PARTY. So, I think those [people] need to check themselves before they wreck themselves. That's my first point.

My second point is that within 5 years the deficit will be cut in half. If I wanted to run again, I'll still look good, if not I'll go out on top. It's after those 5 years that are where everyone is concerned.

CBS: But you just said it's going to go up in the off years...

Prez: Listen, it's complicated, there are alot of numbers involved. Here America, have a cookie and let the grown ups worry about the bills. Univision?

Univision: Do you consider the violent spillover from Mexico a threat to national security? And how do you respond to the Governor of Texas asking for more troops and agents?

Prez: We're watching the situation. We're sending more surveillance equipment, that should be good enough. We're letting Mexico deal with most of it, our job is to make sure the cartels don't get any guns or money. I'm sure it'll work itself out. Stars and Stripes?

SS: I wanted to ask you about the Defense and Vets Administration's budget. With so many...um Sir?

Prez: Oh, sorry, I kind of spaced out. You were saying?

SS: How do you plan on saving items headed for the chopping block?

Prez: Here's a couple points I want to make, first off, we have the largest budget for vets in over 30 years. It's the right thing to do, especially since they've been forced to sacrifice over the last several years, but when you have a president who spent his tour at the bars doing blow, that's what you get.

The issue we have is how to give you money without increasing the bill on the taxpayers. Well, we are working on that. CNN?

CNN: Why did it take you so long to get mad at AIG? Was it because you realized that Geithner had no power to do anything? And more to the fact, it's not just Republicans who are bashing you, there are some Democrats who don't like your budget either. Aren't you afraid your going to leave a huge debt to YOUR children and the next president?

Prez: Yes, but as I told you there are a lot of numbers involved here. This isn't the lemonade stand you opened up, it's the United States. Listen, health care and energy are the foundations that are going to save this country. What, you didn't like your cookie?

CNN: What about my question about AIG and your anger? What took so long?

Prez: Because you wouldn't like me when I'm angry. Fox? Really, Fox??

Fox: China wants a global currency because they are nervous about our economy. Now remember, China is socialist, communist and left of center. Do you think you're asking them to spend too much money?

Prez: That's what the G-20 Summit is all about. Now, I haven't asked China to do anything, I just suggested the help out a little bit. Plus, Fox News, I think we're doing a pretty good job, and I think he world still views us as a super power.

Fox: And a global currency?

Prez: No chance! Politico?

P: Are you regretting cutting interest rates for mortgages and charities?

Prez: No, it's the right thing to do. Everything I do is the right thing to do, when will you people learn that?

Listen, if you really were giving it to charity, then it shouldn't matter how much you right off, right? It's that top 1% that we want to tax to help us because they are too damn rich. It's not going to hurt if they don't get back everything they want.

P: Are you saying that charities are wrong when they say this will discourage people from giving?

Prez: Yes, they are wrong. The best thing for them to do is shut up and wait until the economy turns back around, then they'll be just fine. KC?

KC: What would you say to those who now reside in tent cities? After all, 1 in every 50 children are currently homeless.

Prez: Well, obviously the best thing I could do is get their mommy and daddy jobs. It kills me that there are homeless children when Madonna is looking to adopt and Octo-mom has 16 kids in her house. But, we're working on it. ABC?

ABC: Really? Can I ask you about being black?

Prez: Sure, or should I say fo shizzle

ABC: In the last 64 days, has anyone brought up the fact that you are indeed African American?

Prez: Um, no. People love me or hate me based off one thing, my performance. That's the way it should be. Washington Times?

WT: Thanks.

Prez: Fo sho.

WT: I was wondering if you wrestled with the stem-cell research issue.

Prez: Good question, and the answer is so obviously yes, everyday of my life, but its the right thing to do. And that's not just my opinion, it's other peoples too. Besides, I can't let some crazy ideology from the middle ages tell me what I can and cannot do. Last question SC?

SC: What are your hopes for a peaceful solution between Palestine and Israel?

Prez: Well, we are going to stay persistently on top of the situation. We are going to push for a two state resolution that will make everyone happy. Hey, remember St. Patty's Day? We had people here partying from Northern Ireland and Ireland, and they were sworn enemies. We can do it as long as we stay persistent.

END